Each year we offer 5 million Americans "end of days" coverage in case the world comes to an end. Wouldn't you know it, storms usually...

Before you point the finger, take a look at yourself. But for the grace of god, I could be receiving $800,000/month as an energy...

You mean for $200/month I don't need to haul my ass out of bed each morning and write the Report. Hal can do it for me! I'm in! The...

You know, Bezos is right...honestly when you think about it. We're all brothers (& sisters, or gender neutral...you know what I mean). ...

Network executives at ABC confirmed that Thomas Spritzer will take the place of Joy Reed and sit immediately to the left of Whoopi...

I like to point out that the Spritzler Report has never denied health coverage to a single human being either here or abroad. NEW YORK...

I'd like to express my thanks to the NY Times for having the decency to put their stamp of approval on this ...err...I'm at a loss for...

I always hated that f-cking Duracell rabbit.

Ok, are you ready for a sweeping Spritzler statement? Buckle up Buttercup...I'm coming in hot. Never since the end of WWII has the US...

China is not crushing it. Top Countries by Computing Power By Marcus Lu, Visual Capitalist Dec 1, 2024 As of November 2024, the United...

In other urban areas, this idea would likely take off. In Chicago however, our sky-high tax rate (RE and state income) make this a rough...

Ok, if you're going to get anything out of this story you need to stop staring at Jana's enormous breasts. That's not helpful and yes...

The Report can't afford a giant reactor...perhaps an unsightly 50 ft wind turbine in our back yard? I am committed to eventually...

Said Spritzler yesterday, "I never said our readers should kill Mr Biffle. I may have suggested they firebomb his house, but that's only...

I like his ideas of improving the food chain. How about we shift him over to be the Secretary of Agriculture. He won't do any harm over...

OMG, it's Musk this and Musk that. Can't I open a fricken newspaper without reading about this wonderful hunk of masculinity? Is there...

Fine, if you like that sort of thing. The Spritzler Report is written entirely on a yellow scratch pad using a #10 pencil. Old school....

If you're planning to come to the Spritzler Christmas Gala and 20-course food festival you better not be taking Ozempic. What sort of...

You think it's easy day after day putting out the Report, making fun of other people's misfortunes. I can't sleep at night. I sniff...

Hilarious. Before the election, the WSJ swore up and down that Trump's agenda while superior to the Dems would actually cost MORE money...