Right on! Bottom feeders from both sides of the aisle want their pork. It may take a true Voldemort to cut gov waste...neither party really wants that?
A Visit From St. Elon and Donald
Clement Clark Moore meets the continuing resolution.
By Allysia Finley
Dec. 22, 2024 4:01 pm ET
’Twas the week before Christmas, when chaos roiled the House
“No big budget bill!” Trump heard Elon Musk grouse;
The bill had been stuffed with pork and welfare,
In hopes that no voters would notice or care;
Democrats were nestled, all smug in their beds;
While visions of shutting down danced in their heads;
And Nancy in her ’kerchief, and Chuck his claptrap,
Smiled when they heard of Republicans’ mishap,
When out on the House floor arose such a clatter,
Mike Johnson sprang forth to see what was the matter.
Back to the Capitol, he flew in a flash,
Sat down with his members to clean up Trump’s hash.
But then Donald and Elon dealt him a new blow,
A debt-limit hike they said was a no-go,
When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature bill to get past the New Year.
But the bill dropped in the House like a brick,
As members rejected it, firmly and quick.
More rapid attacks on Republicans came,
And Trump bristled, and shouted, and threatened them by name:
“Now, Chip Roy! Now, Bob Good! Beware a primary
On Mace! On Massie! On Posey and Perry!
To the floor of the House for another roll call!
Now vote my way! Vote my way! Vote my way, all!”
As Elon delivered decrees from on high,
The speaker did groan and let out a loud sigh.
So back to the House, the Republicans flew
To hash out a budget deal that could get through.
And then, in a twinkling, another deal went poof,
When Donald Trump Jr. made known his reproof.
Then Johnson, head in his hand, turned and frowned,
Down the hall, he heard Democrats laughing all ’round.
“What a fiasco Donald and Elon have wrought!
By making demands without giving a thought.”
A narrow majority gave him little slack,
And more power to Democrats to make demands back.
Chuck’s eyes—how they twinkled as he looked on with merry!
And taunted Mike Johnson, a strong adversary!
Chuck’s big smiling mouth was drawn up like a bow,
As he rubbed his hands at the GOP’s woe.
With a shutdown looming, Johnson gritted his teeth,
As Trump raged away like King Lear on the heath.
Breathing fire at Republicans deep from his belly,
He shook when he howled, like a bowl full of jelly.
But Johnson persisted, a right jolly old elf,
And Trump backed away, in spite of himself.
A wink of Musk’s eye and a twist of Trump’s head
Soon gave Republicans to know they had nothing to dread.
With midnight approaching, they went straight to work,
And passed a new bill, plus a public worker Social Security perk,
Despite the kerfuffle, the vote wasn’t tight,
They wanted to skip town and called it a night.
They prayed Trump wouldn’t tweet another rogue missile,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But they heard him exclaim, as they faded from sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good fight!”
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