This weekend take your "new romantic interest" to the romantic Spritzler Health and Well-being Spa. We'll do a complete blood and psychological screen on each of you and cheerfully present the results.
If your report is marked with a big red dot it means that your new partner is a petri dish for sexually induced bacteria (my term) and is a nervous breakdown waiting to happen. That means "go for it".
Hey live a little! What's the worst that can happen?
Ok, I'll admit I'm a little out of line here.
The new non-negotiable thing men are asking for before getting serious with a woman
By Jana Hocking, NY Post
Published Dec. 16, 2024, 11:40 a.m. ET
Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but if I had to describe my dating life in 2024, I could sum it up in one word: situationships.
Actually, to be fair, I could roll that back further into 2023 … ahhh, OK, and 2022. How I long for the days when you went on a couple of dates with a guy, then he sat you down, looked deep into your eyes (or perhaps bashfully downwards) and officially asked you if you would like to be his girlfriend.
Oh, the romantic awkwardness of it all. I miss those days.
So, imagine my shock when I was sitting at lunch the other day, and my friend dropped a bombshell that stopped me mid-martini-sip. She revealed that she had been dating a guy for a couple of weeks now, and he popped the question.
No, not that question — rather, a question that, in the modern era, is the equivalent of asking someone to be your girlfriend.
I thought I was on a date with a normal, wholesome guy — then he showed me something that horrified me
He asked her to get an STD test so they could start having sex without condoms.
My first thought: Eek!
My second: Is this what dating has come to?
It felt transactional, clinical and, let’s face it, a little unsexy. But after a second glass (okay, third), I started to see the method behind the madness.
Jana Hocking misses the "old school" ways men would ask women to go steady. But she appreciates a new twist on the conversation.
I thought I was on a date with a normal, wholesome guy — then he showed me something that horrified me
This wasn’t just about health. It was a modern-day love letter. Essentially, he was saying, “I’m ready to stop sleeping with other people, and I want you to, too.” (Well, actually, that’s exactly what he said.)
It’s the new, “quirky” code for commitment.
In a world where we often have to arm-wrestle a guy to put on a condom, or deal with the ridiculous “But I’m allergic to them” lame excuse, this man asking for his love interest to get a quick swab is actually quite romantic … right?
I mean, a dating app swipe can lead to a sleepover faster than you can say “herpes,” so we should all probably be a little more on our game when it comes to testing.
This man is at the forefront, and it is nothing short of revolutionary, people. Revolutionary!
OK, OK — I’m getting carried away.
But here’s the kicker: She wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. In fact, she is also seeing another guy who is certainly not boyfriend material but, goodness, can that man give her an earth-shattering orgasm.
So, the answer to “going steady” was no, but …
In the spirit of being safe — and because sudden curiosity got the better of her — she went and got one. We laughed as she revealed it really is like that scene in “Sex and the City” when Samantha faints in the doctor’s office while waiting for her results.
Suddenly, you find yourself going through your dating history and freaking out. Been there, done that.
Anyway, I’m happy to report she was in the clear.
Not so happy to report: She told him they would still be wearing condoms while she took her time to decide if she wanted to get serious with him. At least she had the appropriate safe-sex manners.
Nevertheless, asking someone for an STD test is a green flag wrapped in a latex-free bow. So, I kinda like that this might be a trend — and a huge step forward for modern dating.
I mean, it’s not just about safer sex, though we’re very much here for it. This conversation separates the men from the boys. Asking someone to get tested requires vulnerability, trust and — let’s be real — balls.
You could almost say it’s accountability on steroids.
Look, I’ll admit it’s not the kind of story you’d tell your grandkids. (“He wooed me with flowers and a lab requisition form!”)
But maybe it’s time we stopped romanticizing relationships to the point of dysfunction.
Love isn’t just candlelit dinners and butterflies; it’s also about the tough, unsexy conversations that pave the way for something real.
So, if your guy pops the new big question, don’t roll your eyes or clutch your pearls.
Say yes.
Go get tested together, grab a celebratory drink after, and toast to accountability, maturity and, dare I say, a condom-free future.
Because in 2024, this might just be the sexiest way to say, “I choose you.”
The dating world truly has gone bonkers, but in this case, I’m here for it!
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